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Messages - Intrepid_traveler

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The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: Yesterday at 09:44:01 AM »
I think I have discerned the reason why psychedelic sexuality is so misunderstood.

Most can't differentiate the difference between true eros and the devalued perversion of eros which has been disseminated to the masses and programmed into the individual through various means.

So while I am talking about eros, oneness, love, ecstasy, and the most sacred and spiritual aspects of sexuality, all most can think about is filth for filth's sake. ...then when you start talking about sex with multiple partners or orgiastic sexuality people really start becoming uncomfortable.

It seems most can't differentiate "eros" from "being horny", and furthermore only understand sexuality in a very shallow, basic, and utilitarian form.

Most people's sex is very ego centered, its a rush to an orgasm and seems to be fully focused on self, even the pleasure given to their partners is for some self gratifying purpose.

...if you need a cigarette after sex your probably not doing it right.

Any way, I'm still exploring psychedelic sexuality with my friends Melanie, ayela, Delilah, and Eliza. I think since we have been incorporating spiritual aspects into our group sexuality it has managed to reach deeper levels. I'm reminded of tantric yoga and karmamudra practices, only with several girls instead of one. Sometimes we can reach pretty intense spiritual/sexual states without even using the MDMA, 2c-B, 5-meo-dipt, or LSD as catalysts.

I still think LSD is one of the best compounds for orgiastic sexuality.

Any way, below is an excerpt where McKenna briefly outlines eros:
Eros and the Eschaton, these are the two areas that I think compromise the old paradigm and give permission to hope and strangely neither of these words is that well known, which gives you a measure of how completely the dominator position has squelched,subverted, and down played any opposition to its world view.

Eros we know about in some kind of devalued schticky kind of glitzy waybecause we get it in the eroticization of media, and society, but really what eros means in the Greek sense is a kind of unity of nature a kind of all pervasive order that bridges one ontological level to another. -terence McKenna

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: Yesterday at 09:19:56 AM »
The dead's lyrics are full of incredibly valuable wisdom that one almost has to live their way into understanding...

I think that's part of the beauty of Robert Hunter and John Perry Barlow's collaboration efforts in producing the words to these songs, this is real poetry presented in jam band format.

The dead's music is there to ease our pain, to give us guidance and advice, and to give us wisdom, love, and community.

Regardless, the dead are so much more than a rock and roll band.

Its like the African parable of the blind men and the elephant, everybody has a different idea of exactly what that thing was. ...and jerry meant it to be that way, jerry Said that "when you leave something undefined it becomes everything", so it makes sense that nobody ever attempted to place a set definition of what the dead was, and when I say the dead I'm not just talking about the band, I'm talking about the ever moving, ever changing and constantly evolving community and culture as well as the band.

A dead show is going to be reassuringly familiar and refreshingly new every time it's experienced. All of the things that you recognize as being part of the dead show experience are still in place, yet it's also very clear that things had managed to change, grow, and evolve into something novel, new and beautiful that has seemed to incorporate itself right into the woodwork of the familiar.

The psychedelic experience itself tends to be that way as well, it's "reassuringly familiar, and refreshingly new" every time it's experienced. The familiar signposts of a psychedelic experience are still there, yet somehow you always encounter something completely new and unexpected each time. Every time you think you have seen it all, and that there will be no more surprises, the thing manages to conjure up something you never could have predicted or imagined.

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 08, 2018, 10:13:06 AM »
I spent a little time on the mountain,
I spent a little time on the hill,
I heard some say "Better run away",
Others say "Better stand still".

Now I don't know, but I been told
It's hard to run with the weight of gold,
Other hand I have heard it said,
It's just as hard with the weight of lead.
-grateful dead ; new speedway boogie

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 07, 2018, 09:58:03 AM »
Another beautiful day that I am grateful to be alive and well. would be perfect if I could only eliminate the influence of my enemies.

Day by day I get closer to bringing the truth to light.

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 06, 2018, 09:23:50 PM »
Ok, car ride is over and my brain hurts from all that typing...

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 06, 2018, 09:21:30 PM »
My enemies are weak right now, and have been resorting to desperate tactics, and defeat for them is certian, for I have truth on my side and the grace of God at my back, and all they have is slander, and a fickle mistress named luck.

Well, they also have friends who will willingly and gladly believe made up little stories and lies just because it suits their interests. I think these people are terrified that if the truth ever did come out that everybody would like me and everybody would hate them you would not believe the time and effort these people spend trying to make me look bad, I mean, seriously, it must take up a huge portion of their life. Its dedication on an outrageous level, and must dominate these people's minds. All they can think about is me, its pretty sick.

I've never seen anybody put so much effort into trying to make others think that someone was a homosexual, which speaks to the intelligence and maturity of these people, and mean its outrageous how much effort is extended on that one area, even if I were gay how is that an insult? Its 2018 not 1956, convincing people that I'm gay isn't going to get me hung by the neck in town square, and honestly it Bentsen hurt my business with the ladies, but whatever, it's their waste if a life.

... they know that if others liked me that these same others would realize how fake they were and not like them. So, just like you would expect people who live in a fantasy dream land rather than reality would do, they created lies, rumours, and hoaxes to try to make me look bad and accept them as fact, coming out the truth and the real world for their little fantasies.

These people will write some really sick things when impersonating me, and it made me think, these people have to be sick in the head just to think of this stuff, and that in reality those are their true thoughts...I could never think of those things, you would have to be sick to even generate such ideas, so while everybody is sitting around freaked out at me because of the lies they just told them, its really them that everybody should have those feelings for, they are sitting right next to horrible, disgusting, sick and perverted people while not even knowing it. Do you think if these people knew that it was really their friends words and actions and that it was all the creation of their friends minds that they would still be friends with them? The answer should be no, but sadly these people live in a fantasy, they would rather believe horrible lies about me when they know the truth is that kts their own friends who are sick and fucked up.

Whew, that felt good to vent. I went on that same rant on a site that some of these people post on and was instantly banned, which means I hit a sore nerve, I was getting to the truth of the matter, and I was doing so publicly.

.... They can't stand the thought of others being my friend because they feel so inferior, and they know others would realize how fake and full of shit that they had always been.

These people are motivated for all the reasons below as far as I can tell, but rather than talking about my faults they are simply making faults up, they even go as far as impersonating me, regardless, the excerpt below very clearly outlines their motivation,

... they will tell people "he doesn't know what he is talking about" if they don't buy that they say "he is crazy" if they don't buy that they say "he is homosexual" and if the people still don't think poorly of me they will impersonate me,any way, below describes part of their motivations:
Another situation in which we speak about others’ faults is when we’re angry with them. Here we may talk about their faults for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s to win other people over to our side. "If I tell these other people about the argument Bob and I had and convince them that he is wrong and I’m right before Bob can tell them about the argument, then they’ll side with me." Underlying that is the thought, "If others think I’m right, then I must be." It’s a weak attempt to convince ourselves we’re okay when we haven’t spent the time honestly evaluating our own motivations and actions.

At other times, we may talk about others’ faults because we’re jealous of them. We want to be respected and appreciated as much as they are. In the back of our minds, there’s the thought, "If others see the bad qualities of the people I think are better than me, then instead of honoring and helping them, they’ll praise and assist me." Or we think, "If the boss thinks that person is unqualified, she’ll promote me instead." Does this strategy win others’ respect and appreciation? Hardly.

Some people "psychoanalyze" others, using their half-baked knowledge of pop psychology to put someone down. Comments such as "he’s borderline" or "she’s paranoid" make it sound as if we have authoritative insight into someone’s internal workings, when in reality we disdain their faults because our ego was affronted. Casually psychoanalyzing others can be especially harmful, for it may unfairly cause a third party to be biased or suspicious.

 they live in a fantasy dream land that has no connection to the real world, they believe their own lies as fact and ignore reality, they choose to accepted fairy tales and made up little rumours and stories as their "real" world. Some day they are going to have to come out of their fantasy little dream world and face reality and accept the the truth.

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 06, 2018, 08:54:22 PM »
Eliza tells me not to ever give the slightest amount of trust to the girl from 26th street, she says I should stay away from her. She said just because she May have a good heart at her core doesn't mean that she has a good head on her shoulders. Eliza tells me that she has a good deal of cruelty in her, and that she is very aware of me, and that her intentions are bad. Eliza says she's confused and and has no sympathy at all for me, and since her views are distorted she can justify doing horrible things and still feel that she was in the right. Eliza says that the girl from 26th knows exactly who I am, and that if I knew her means of knowing who I am and if I knew some of the things she has done that I would know to stay away from her.

Eliza is never wrong about these things, and this morning I had Eliza ride the bus with me, she sat near the back of the bus with her hood pretty much over her face looking like she was almost sleeping. She wanted to see this girl and get a 'read" on her, and it turns out that Eliza knows who she is, and as you saw above she had nothing good to say about her. Eliza didn't say that she directly knew her, but she knows who she is.

Bummer, in another life we could have made a great couple. I can't imagine who or what would poison this girl on me, and Eliza didn't say very much, she mostly just told me to stay away from her and that under no circumstances should I trust her, she says I shouldn't even sit near her. She says not to post anything online about her either and she gave me the impression that this girl was well aware of all I had written, but again, Eliza didn't want to say much.

Eliza knows everybody and has been everywhere, and I know she knows more than she was telling me at that moment, its usually for my own good when she holds things back from me, she knows that timing can mean everything, and that if I play my cards right I can come out on top of this thing.

Eliza very rarely says negative things about anybody, so when she does I tend to listen.

I don't always just listen to Eliza, but I'm definitely going to keep all of that in mind.

I can't think of any reason why Eliza would warn me about this girl unless it was justified...

Ill give the girl from 26th the benefit of the doubt for now, but eliza's whole reaction was really not what I expected.

Such a strange day...

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 06, 2018, 04:59:00 PM »
"Dawg's Cuddle Party" video. Funny one. Couldn't tell if it was some kind of staged for film event. Did anyone offer to cuddle the camera-person?

I really don't think much of it was staged.

That clip is from "an idiot abroad", the point of the show is basically to make the host Carl as uncomfortable as possible for laughs, so I'm sure the producers told those people to really pick at poor Carl. ...but other than that I can't imagine that much was staged.

Hmm... if I was the camera man I would have wanted to participate.

I'm not fearful of straying out of my comfort zone, and I truly enjoy and embrace new and novel experiences. As long as the proposed experience is positive and doesn't harm anyone or anything then in most cases I would probably give it a try. I've participated in meditation groups, I've done various forms of yoga, I've experimented with brainwave entrainment through isochronic tones and binaural beats, I've worked with mindmachines*, dreamachines, I've done shamanic drumming and chanting, I've taken entheogenic plants and psychedelic compounds, and yes, I've participated in cuddle parties...

It all comes down to exploring the full potential of body and mind. There are experiences one can have in the human body which most would never predict would even be possible.

For myself, the psychedelic experience has been so thoroughly integrated into my life-stream that its difficult for me to imagine that there are some people out there who have never had this experience. It's as if there is a major section of human potential and human perception that most will never even come close to knowing. ...and his has always seemed odd to me.


The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 06, 2018, 10:44:16 AM »
Another beautiful day that I am thankful to be alive.

I saw the girl from 26th today, and again, I almost didn't even notice that she was there. I still like her, and I would still give her a chance, but I am also fully happy if nothing ever happens there, and I'm surly not going to make anything happen there, its up to her and her alone.

Though if I were to date the girl from 26th I would have to stop seeing my girls, which is another reason why it has to be her choice, I'm not going to give up all that I have unless I know she really wants me.

I don't think the girl from 26th could ever get along with my girls...

Two of my girls star in, produce, and distribute all female erotica from the house. Its always made from the safety of the house, and its usually just solo stuff from the webcam or lesbian group sex, so these girls are incredibly open and adventurous sexually. It actually took me a while to get used to, but it really doesn't bother me any more. I actually think its pretty cool that they are making erotica that is 100% female produced and that only stars females, and I think its awesome that only females are getting any money from it. The girls love it, I mean, they are already sex fanatics who don't mind showing off their bodies, so they feel it's empowering to be able to get paid for it, and I fully support them.

Then there is Melanie and ayela who are my sweet little darling hippie chicks, they are really not into the the whole female erotica thing, though they are just as open and adventurous sexually, the girl from 26th might actually be able to get along with these girls, but who knows.

Regardless, I'm pretty sure I would have to give up my friends if I were to have a chance with the girl from 26th. So, again, it has to be her choice.

I never had a chance to explore psychedelics and sexuality in the past. I had explored psychedelics in relation to spirituality, in relation to creativity and art, in relation to gaining gnosis and understanding life and death, in relation to meditation and yoga, and in relation to just about every other area, yet when it came to sexual psychedelic exploration I never had the proper opportunity until recently. So I have been incredibly happy to have been given this opportunity and to have been given this opportunity with some of the most beautiful, intelligent, creative and special girls that I have ever met, not to mention that these girls are mind-blowing in bed, and are always showing me some new tricks and improving my performance. I want to fully explore sex with psychedelics, and I want to keep doing it with the same four girls, the only thing that would make me want to stop is finding a girl to begin a monogamous relationship with.

Ultimately I want a nice girl to settle down and start a family with, and ill give up my activities with the girls the instant that happens.

This is why I decided that if the girl from 26th wants me, and if she makes the effort to get me (though it really wouldn't take much effort, she would just have to say "hello, you are mine now" and that's how things would be) then I would be happy to be hers, I would stop seeing the girls and devote myself fully to her and only her, but she has to make the effort. I'm not going to force the situation, and I'm not going to initiate the situation. If she comes and claims me I will be hers and only hers, if not I will keep seeing my girls until I find a nice girl that I can settle down and start a family with.

Still, another beautiful day where I am loving life.

The Medicine Lodge / Re: Can anyone help me understand this??
« on: December 06, 2018, 09:43:15 AM »
Honestly, I'm exhausted, and I really get no pleasure out of explaining complicated pharmacology to strangers.

...but I figured it would be polite to at least try.

To be honest, I was incredibly distracted while creating this post, and I left out a TON of information. If I were to have put full effort into this you would end up with the equivalent of 10 pages thoroughly explaining every aspect of the chemistry and pharmacology of these compounds... ...but, at this point in time I really don't care anymore, I'm not interested in teaching others any of this stuff. should have talked to me 4 or 5 years a go.

Any way:

3. SSRIs (like Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, Desyrel) or MAOIs (like Nardil, Parnate, Marplan, Eldepryl, Aurorix, Manerix) are fairly consistently reported to noticeably reduce the effects of LSD. MAOIs seem to cause a greater reduction in the effects of LSD than SSRIs.

Duloxetine is a selective SNRI (selective serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) and LSD affects 5-HT1A, 5-HT2A, 5-HT2C, dopamine, D2, and α2 adrenergic receptors and less potently to α1 adrenergic, D1, and D3 receptors.

So, if LSD affects dopamine receptors, adrenergic receptors, and serotonin receptors 1A, 2A, 2C, 5C, and 6 as well as inducing Some glutamate receptor activity, and Duloxetine is a selective SNRI (selective serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) then there is going to be some effect.

LSD potently binds to human serotonin (5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT)) 5-HT1A, 5-HT2A, 5-HT2C, dopamine D2, and α2 adrenergic receptors and less potently to α1 adrenergic, D1, and D3 receptors (Rickli et al, 2015, 2016) (Table 1). LSD also activates rat and mouse trace amine-associated receptor 1 (TAAR1) but not human TAAR1 (Simmler et al, 2016). LSD is a partial agonist at 5-HT2A receptors (Rickli et al, 2016)

As far as psilocybe fungi, the mushrooms are primarily 5HT 2a/c receptor agonists, and while LSD is far more complex pharmacological, affecting dopamine and adrenergic receptor sites, all of the classical psychedelics function through agonising of the serotonin 2a and 2c receptors.

(Serotonin is 5-hydroxy-tryptamine, hence "5-HT" represents 5-hydroxy-tryptamine)b

LSD potently binds to human serotonin (5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT)) 5-HT1A, 5-HT2A, 5-HT2C, dopamine D2, and α2 adrenergic receptors and less potently to α1 adrenergic, D1, and D3 receptors (Rickli et al, 2015, 2016) (Table 1). LSD also activates rat and mouse trace amine-associated receptor 1 (TAAR1) but not human TAAR1 (Simmler et al, 2016). LSD is a partial agonist at 5-HT2A receptors (Rickli et al, 2016)

(Table 1). 5-HT2A receptors primarily mediate the hallucinogenic effects of LSD (Nichols, 2016; Preller et al, 2017; Vollenweider et al, 1998; Kraehenmann et al, 2017). The affinity of hallucinogens for 5-HT2A receptors but not 5-HT1A receptors is correlated with psychoactive potency in humans. Although the subjective effects of LSD in humans can be blocked by pretreatment with a 5-HT2A receptor antagonist (Preller et al, 2017; Kraehenmann et al, 2017) and are therefore clearly mediated by 5-HT2A receptor activation, the signaling pathways and downstream effects that mediate the effects of LSD have not been conclusively identified (Nichols, 2016). A key mechanism of action of LSD and other serotonergic hallucinogens is the activation of frontal cortex glutamate transmission secondary to 5-HT2A receptor stimulation. However, interactions between the 5-HT and glutamate systems are unclear (Nichols, 2016). Increases in glutamatergic activity in the prefrontal cortex may result in downstream modulatory effects in subcortical areas and alterations in the gating functions of sensory and cognitive processing. Some notable differences can be seen between the pharmacological profiles of LSD and other serotonergic hallucinogens. First, LSD more potently binds 5-HT2A receptors than psilocybin, mescaline, and DMT (Rickli et al, 2016) (Table 1). Second, LSD is more potent at 5-HT1 receptors (Rickli et al, 2016), which may contribute to the effects of hallucinogens. However, there are no studies on the role of the 5-HT1 receptor in the effects of LSD in humans. Third, LSD binds adrenergic and dopaminergic receptors at submicromolar concentrations, which is not the case for other classic serotonergic hallucinogens (Rickli et al, 2016) (Table 1). In animals, dopamine D2 receptors were shown to contribute to the discriminative stimulus effects of LSD in the late phase of the acute response (Marona-Lewicka and Nichols, 2007). In humans, LSD may indirectly enhance dopamine neurotransmission (Nichols, 2016), with no role of direct D2 receptor stimulation (Preller et al, 2017; Kraehenmann et al, 2017). Serotonergic hallucinogens presumably produce overall similar acute subjective (Hollister and Hartman, 1962; Wolbach et al, 1962) and potential therapeutic effects in humans. The early clinical trials used mostly LSD while most of the recent hallucinogen studies used psilocybin because of its ease of use due to the shorter action and less controversial history (Nichols et al, 2017; Nutt, 2016). However, modern studies need to directly investigate whether the effects of LSD in humans differ qualitatively from those of psilocybin and DMT, notwithstanding LSD’s longer duration of action.

Also, you have to understand neurotransmitter release, reuptake inhibition, and receptor site agonism to fully understand this stuff, and in all honesty if I were explaining this in person with chalk board to help me I would be better off than trying to type it out.

When LSD was scheduled it wasn't just taken out of the hands of "the common people" but researchers, therapists and scientists were also banned from using the drug so researchers are unable to tell you as much as they should, but based off of the pharmacological profiles of those substances coupled with anecdotal reports, it seems the conclusions above are probably the best you are going to find.

As for the benzodiazepine drug, these compounds don't so much "end a trip" as they do in aiding one to fall asleep on the tail end of an acid trip. They can surly mess with a trip.

If you want to "end a trip" I have read some really interesting things regarding nicotinic acid (niacin) being able to terminate an LSD experience.

Niacin (NADH-dependent enzyme) "One of the metabolites of LSD in the human body is 2-oxy-lsd. It is formed by liver microsomes by an NADH-dependent enzyme," Nicholas J. Giarman (1967). ref. (Axelrod 1957; Hoffer 1955) Use of nicotinic acid (niacin, B3) to abort psychosis - "We have given the subject 100 ug. of LSD; at the height of the experience we injected intravenously 200 mg. of nicotinic acid. Our experience has been that, within a matter of two to five minutes, almost all of the LSD phenomena disappeared, and the subject claimed that he was entirely normal," Abraham Hoffer (1956)
-Otto snow ; LSD

Niacin is an antidote against d-lysergic acid diethylamide20 (LSD) and against adrenochrome. It reverses the effect of adrenochrome on the electroencephalogram in human subjects,21 and reverses the psychotomimetic effects of adrenochrome when injected intravenously into human subjects.6 It is also a safe and effective therapeutic agent in the treatment of the schizophrenias and several other psychiatric diseases. It is one of the main elements of Orthomolecular psychiatric treatment. Every physician who has duplicated the niacin schizophrenic studies has corroborated our earlier findings. However the treatment is not accepted because it was introduced during the wrong paradigm, the paradigm of vitamins as prevention only. For a full discussion see the reports.22

- "Schizophrenia: An Evolutionary Defence Against Severe Stress" ; A. Hoffer, M.D., Ph.D.

Niacin, niacinamide, or atropine versus LSD-25 model psychoses in human volunteers.
J.Pharmacol.& Exper.Therap., 119:169 (1957)
Studies in 16 volunteers using the double blind method showed that atropine (1 mg orally), niacin (up to 600 mg orally), and niacinamide (up to 600 mg orally) did not alter the pattern of response to LSD when they were given in combination with LSD (75 mcg orally). Niacin seemed to produce a release from the anxiety associated with the LSD-induced illusions without lessening or eliminating the illusions.

Contrary to what one report on here read (a female who took 200 mg), Niacin does work effectively IN THE CORRECT AMOUNT.

The flushing effect is not a side-effect, that's exactly how it does what it needs to do.. which is to move the toxins out of the cells and excrete them through the sweat function.. the redness of the skin and burning feeling is the success of the Niacin moving the acid out of your system.. The problem experienced by the female was that she did FAR too much Niacin for her body weight and amount of LSD.. Logic here.

(Don't ask a doctor to describe the function of an OTC drug as to relating to a prohibited substance... they just aren't gonna know.)

Let's compare my experience to hers..

7 hits acid in 170 lb body = 40ng / pound.
60 mg Niacin effectively treated .40ng / lb.

1 hit acid in 120 lb body = 8ng/lb.
200 mG Niacin was total overkill for 8ng/lb...

Being that I had 5x the amount of acid taken, and she took 333% more Niacin than I did, that means she actually took 16x the appropriate level of Niacin to have an experience more closely matching mine (the redness was there, and itching, but it wasn't swelling, or doctor visits, and it subsided within 1 hours time..)


Studies with niacin and LSD.
Lysergic Acid Diethylamide and Mescaline in Experimental Psychiatry, Grune & Stratton Inc. 1956, p 44
200 mg nicotinic acid given i.v. at the height of the effects of LSD (100 mcg) caused almost all the LSD phenomena to disappear with 2-5 minutes. 3 Gm. nicotinic acid given daily for 3 days prior to 100 mcg LSD caused the LSD phenomena to appear after about 1 hour instead of after 15-30 minutes and seemed to prevent most of the perceptual phenomena, the main changes noted being feelings of unreality and depersonalization

As far as the nicotinic acid terminating an LSD experience, the claims are varied and the evidence murky, but if you are the type of person that enjoys this type of literary psychedelic archaeology, where metaphorically with pick and brush you dig through mountains of detritus searching for valuable lost artifacts of psychedelia, then you should gets kick out of the research.

My best advice to you would be to fully understand the pharmacology of psychedelics as well as the pharmacology of your medication.
The link above gives you a table elucidating Receptor Interaction Profiles for LSD and Other Classic Serotonergic Hallucinogens at Human Receptors. This should be a good place to start as far as psychedelics go.

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 05, 2018, 09:36:26 AM »
I saw the girl from 26th Today and I'm happy to report that I felt almost nothing! I still think she is beautiful and has a good heart and soul, but I no longer have any urge to interact with her or be romantically involved with her.

My life changed when I met Melanie. Before Melanie my life was on a certain track and headed in a certain direction, and at that point the girl from 26th would have been perfect for me, but then I met Melanie and everything changed, my goals and priorities were rearranged, and at this point the girl from 26th couldn't possibly fit into my life, and strangely enough, I don't want her to anymore. Its as if all the desire to have her as a partner vanished completely!

Today I didn't even notice she was there until I was about to leave, and when I did look at her it was a totally different feeling, I still felt love for her, but it was more of a platonic compassion than romantic love. It was great not feeling nervous or wanting to talk to her, it was great knowing that if she did talk to me at this point it really wouldn't matter, my interest in that area has passed, and now I barely notice when she is around.

Time has specific properties, and within those properties lay specific opportunities, if the girl from 26th would have talked to me a few weeks ago I would now be fully devoted to her and centering my life around doing everything that I possibly could for her and doing everything possible to be keeping her happy, yet, too much time had passed and the situation had changed drastically to a point where a connection would be impossible.

Its funny to think how different things could have been. You know? If the right person were to talk to you at the right time it could change everything. Yet if that same person talked to you at a different time it would have absolutely no impact at all.

Its nice to think about all that I could have done for the girl from 26th, I know I could have made her beyond happy and given her an amazing life... but clearly she wasn't interested, and moving on and just letting it go was always the best option.

Melanie changed my life in ways that I can't even describe, and will give thanks to her and tell the world that I love her every day. I love you Melanie, as well as Eliza, Delilah and ayela, if others could only understand all the love that I have found and the world of happiness that you girls bring to me...

Any way, I can't thank you enough! Somehow you knew exactly what was needed for me, and what was needed to get life moving, ill never be the same. You girls are a bright and warm light in a cold and dark universe, you are goddesses in your own right and are a shining example of all that makes life beautiful. I can't even express my absolute gratitude, thanks and gratefulness for all that you have done, and I feel that I will be forever in your debt. Any way, I know that there's a time and a place for all the sentimental praise, and that you girls don't log into this account often, but I hope that when you read this it brings a smile to your face and reminds you that I am fully yours.

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 05, 2018, 09:08:49 AM »
For as much as some people claim to not be stalking me online, and even impersonating me online, everything I post really seems to get through.

For example: yesterday I was at the bus stop and I saw this girl who I dislike headed to the same stop, so I walked about 15 feet up the road to wait for the bus just so I wouldn't have to talk to her. So, she obviously saw me walking away when she walked up, and in the past she has seen me go to the next bus stop down just to avoid her, so it should be clear that I want her to stay away from me, yet she decides to walk up to me and start talking. Who sees someone politely avoid them and then walks up to talk to them? I mean, she actually had to go pretty far out of her way to bother me, seriously, what's this girls deal?

Well, aside from having to deal with the "creepy queen" at the bus stop the other day things have been going well. When I saw the "creepy queen" today she just shuffled passed me, thank God, hopefully she figured it out and I won't have to out right tell her to stay away from me...

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 04, 2018, 09:20:47 AM »
Just before Halloween I purchased the bit-coins, I had everything set up. The foxy was coming from Japan, and was labeled "ゴメオ". The 2c-b and MDMA were ordered through a different supplier.

I nervously waited for the package to arrive, "did customs raid my stash?" I wondered. "I am going to get busted?"
In the end the package arrived without issue. The product was hidden in a headphones package which was stuffed with this bubble-wrap nonsense. It took me a while to actually find the stuff, for a while I thought I had just spent a ton of money on some cheap headphones.

After sorting the stuff, weighing out the ratios, and going to work with the single pill press, I had finally obtained my final product. Beautiful, white, non-stamped pills.

When I first met Melanie she would describe all of the fun things she wanted to try out "if she could only get the psychedelics", and being that she was an incredibly pretty girl that I really liked I foolishly blurted out
 "I can easily get whatever you want".
'Reallyyy?" She replied.
At that point I had pretty much trapped myself into making it happen, so I started shopping for product that night.

In the mean time I still had a good deal of WoW blotter LSD, I thought I had more than I could ever eat and was bent on giving most of it away, until I met Melanie, now all of that LSD is reserved for me and her, and her friends, and now that we have call these fund things to do with it it seems like there's never enough.

A few years back I mastered pybop condensation of lysergic acid with diethylamine, and to this day its the most worthwhile and ultimately valuable thing that I had ever learned, and I thank God every day that I had background in chemistry enough to master the synthesis fairly quickly. Casey Hardison's pybop notes were helpful, but it was ultimately David E. Nichols technique that I ended up pilfering for my synthesis.

These compounds are catalysts to love, empathy, understanding and gnosis, they seem to be able to temporarily dissolve our programming, and with it our neuroses and baggage. They allow us to see that we are all connected...

Here is an example of connection between humans which we deny: the other day I was on the bus, and I looked over at a pretty girl in the car next to me, and as I looked at her she instantly turned and looked back at me. It was as if she could 'feel" my eyes on here, or as if I was able to reach out and tap her on the shoulder just by looking at her. We all experience this, and we know it can't be chemical or pheromones or anything like that. me it seems to imply that we are all connected in ways which we refuse to acknowledge...

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 04, 2018, 08:57:04 AM »
I've always seen my daily ramblings as similar to the amphetamine fueled prose of Jack Kerouac.

Watching Jack unroll what looks like a sheet of paper towels but which is in fact the continuous piece of paper he typed his book on, and jacks style of prose, all reminds me of the daily rants and ramblings I post here...

I think it is prose.

The Library / Re: Poetry/prose/creative writing.
« on: December 04, 2018, 06:15:05 AM »
This is the candy for this weekend.

The pills are 2C-B, 5-meo-dipt, and a small portion is MDMA. I pressed a few hundred of these on a single pill press for Halloween, but because they were more than just MDMA it seemed nobody wanted to compulsively re-dose, which I saw as a good thing, though it did leave me with a surplus of these pills...

The mushrooms are golden-teachers (stropharia cubensis) but there's only 14g in that bag, so I'm getting more.

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